


Give It Time

by sadfritoswrites



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Fluff, Gentle Kissing, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, MAYBE HOT KISSING LATER, Mild Language, More tags to be added, POV Third Person Omniscient, Post-Squip, Recreational Drug Use, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, breakdowns, hi this is my first fanfic ive ever written ever!, i havent decided if weed will make an appearance in this yet, im feelin frisky LMASKDNJKS, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-12 12:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15995552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadfritoswrites/pseuds/sadfritoswrites
Summary: Michael and Jeremy had been off and on friends after the S.Q.U.I.P. incident during the spring play. Michael feeling both entirely too hurt to go back into his close friendship with Jeremy, but his love for his former best friend is a driving factor for Michael to rekindle their friendship.For Jeremy, the S.Q.U.I.P., in addition to Jeremy's own self diluted desire, had fucked up his already damaged self esteem, his relationship with his friend Michael, and his general well being. He didn't know how to 'fix' everything he had broken.Sometimes, not everything can or needs to be "fixed", or put back to how they once were. Sometimes you need to fuck up to see what you already had.





	1. It's Weird Being Here

   Life after the events of the spring play were difficult. In life, sometimes you just want to sing a song with all of your fake-made friends where everything just fixes itself. The people you effected through manipulation and the friends you lost due to your own ambition are magically okay and happy for you. Even after lying and deceit, you still get “the girl of your dreams” who didn’t even like you in the first place; she likes you now, isn’t that all that matters?

   Life wasn’t suddenly better for Jeremy Heere after short circuiting the SQUIP. It turns out, Mountain Dew Red doesn’t make the SQUIP go away. It’s just another addition to the self deprecating thoughts you already had before you bought the damned thing; just more quiet and less controlling. Even with Christine returning Jeremy’s feelings; it wasn’t genuine. Who can’t say they don’t get caught up in the heat of the moment? Christine is a romantic at heart, and at the moment, she did what she thought she wanted. They’re all still kids in highschool; no one fully knows what they want.

   Speaking of not knowing what you want, Jeremy’s crush on Christine had gone too far, obviously. It started off as just a genuine fascination with her; how she wasn’t afraid when she was on stage or when she would say or do anything she felt like doing in the moment. In a sense, Jeremy’s crush on Christine was more like jealousy or envy. He was socially awkward and inept; keeping to himself, not wanting to sign up for the school play in fear of harassment. Jeremy wanted to be outgoing and wanted to make more friends and have a high school experience he’d look back on with happiness. In turn, he neglected someone who was always there for him and  hurt a lot of innocent bystanders in his selfish quest for popularity.

   Michael was affected greatly by all of the events leading up to the buying of the SQUIP and after the ‘defeat’ of the SQUIP. How couldn’t he be? His best friend, his only friend, left him alone. When you only have one person in your life whom you rely on, you get dependent. Sometimes dependency is hard to wean yourself off of. Michael didn’t know how to feel. His best friend had ignored him for months on end until the Halloween party, and everyone already knows how that fiasco went. The dam of his emotions finally cracked; all the suicidal thoughts and depressive episodes accompanied by panic attacks finally got the worse of him. Even after visiting Jeremy in the hospital for weeks, the sound of Jeremy calling him a loser still echoed in the back of his mind.

   Echoing. The echoing never stopped. Jeremy and Michael had decided to finally talk about everything that had happened their sophomore year of highschool. They had all summer break to soak in everything that had happened to the both of them. Both were hesitant to rekindle their friendship, unsure of how to even begin.

   Jeremy decided to take the first step. He had messed up enough, and wanted to fix everything he had put Michael through, but deep down he knew nothing between them would ever be the same as before.  
Jeremy unplugs his worn down android, taking it from his bedside table. He opens his contact list, hovering over Michael’s contact profile. He wanted to see Michael. He needed to talk to him; to apologize to him. Jeremy didn’t want to return to his old ways of social anxiety and avoidance of confrontation. He had to do this, for the sake of his best friend, and himself.  


* * *

 

OCT 31 AT 11:49PM  
**Jeremy seriously please answer me please stop ignoring me**

 **I can’t lose you like this** **  
** _seen 1:09AM_

MAY 18 AT 3:29PM _  
_ **can we hang out after you get out of the hospital? y’know making up for lost time n shit**

 ****  
**Yeah, of course** **  
** _seen 3:40PM_

 _  
_ JUNE 1 AT 1:18PM

**i  really need to talk to you about,, the whole, thing that happened. im  just so fucking sorry for everything i put you through and there can never be an explanation for what i did .. i just** **ugh i dont know can i come see you?**

_read 1:20PM_

 

**yeah, no course ill keep the door unlocked**

_seen 1:35PM_

* * *

 

   Jeremy internally cringes at his text. By the time he sees Michael’s message, Jeremy is already out the door. Michael’s house isn’t but a few blocks away from his own; the perks of living in suburban areas. Jeremy makes his way to the side of his house to search for his bike he had discarded against the brick wall of his home. He stands it up and takes off, pedalling quickly to Michael’s house. Despite being extremely hot, Jeremy hadn’t taken off his blue cardigan before he left for Michael’s house. That’s a different explanation for a different time.

*  


   A knock on the door alarms Michael of his expected guest. He stands up from his spot on his bed and tosses his phone down onto the sheets of his bed. He could tell from Jeremy’s texts he was close to panic, but after receiving a text like that, how is Michael supposed to respond? He mentally curses himself for seeming cold over text, despite everything that happened. He makes it to the stairs leading out of his room up towards the first floor of his home. He can see Jeremy’s already nervous silhouette standing behind the frosted glass of his front door. He opens the door slightly, greeted by the slightly shorter lanky teen.  
   “Uh, hey Mikey--Michael.” Jeremy corrects himself from using Michael’s nickname Jeremy gave him. Jeremy’s under eye begins to twitch-- an involuntary reaction his body has to stress. Michael stares at Jeremy for a second, noticing this quirk.  
   “I told you I kept the door unlocked for you.” Michael says with hesitancy in his voice which lingers in the air for a moment. Jeremy and Michael both look uncomfortable.  
   “Uh ye-yeah. Sorry. I didn’t know if it was still, uh, okay to um. Do that anymore.” Jeremy replies to the taller boy who has his eyes locked onto Jeremy’s own. He can feel the sweat roll down his back uncomfortably.  
   “Right. Sorry. Come on in, my moms aren’t home right now.” Michael replies, walking out of the way to make room for Jeremy to enter. Jeremy moves skittishly, wiping off the dirt from his soles onto the welcome matt. Michael begins to lead the way down into his room in the basement. Jeremy follows right behind Michael.

   Michael’s room has changed since he last was in here. Many of the posters Jeremy and Michael had received together had been taken off the walls along with knick knacks that had vanished from their spot from the self above Michael’s bed. Most of the items put away had a connection to Jeremy. Jeremy couldn’t help but feel hurt, but pushed this feeling aside. He had made Michael feel a lot worse. Jeremy takes a longing glance around the nostalgic room before settling down on Michael’s bed. He lays his hands, occupied with twiddling his thumbs, into his own lap, feeling incredibly nervous. Michael sets himself next to Jeremy on his bed, lifting his legs up as well. The tension in the room is thick like dense fog.

   “So...What did you need to tell me? Over text, um, you seemed manic.” Michael begins. Jeremy somehow tenses up more than he already was. Jeremy twitches and goes to scratch at his arms.

   “I just. I-I keep thinking about everything. The squip, the shit I put everyone through. And I can never apologize enough for what I did. Especially to you. I was so obsessed with-with becoming popular and loved by other people that… No, no it wasn’t even because of the squip, Michael. Even before I took you and everything you did for me for granted,” Jeremy says, beginning to feel tears well up, “ You were always a friend to me and I never was that for you in return. I’ve… I’ve tried to convince myself that I just want everything to go back to the way it was.” Jeremy continues, hiccuping sobs every time he pauses to re-catch his breath. “But the truth is that.. I don’t want us to go back to the way things were. I don’t want to be a shitty friend. I don’t want to do that to you again.” Jeremy is fully sobbing, wiping his tear soaked face into the sleeve of his cardigan. Michael fights back the urge not to starting crying too. Tears slip past Michael’s eyes.  
   Michael thinks about reaching over to Jeremy’s hand, wanting to hold it to comfort him. Michael settles for bumping his knee into Jeremy’s.  
“Hey, hey. Jeremy. I… I honestly won’t say I fully forgive you. You’re right and  I don’t know if things between us could go back to how they were… Everything would change, but still be the same, if you get what I mean? Jer…” Michael is at a loss for words. He hiccups out a sob, reaching up to push his glasses out of his face before he fogs them up. They’re both just sitting  there, crying with one another. To be honest, Jeremy was never expecting Michael to be this tame in his emotion towards Jeremy. Jeremy figured Michael would lash out, that he would yell and scream at him. Call him a lo _ser or a freak or whatever._ The voice of the squip says in unison with the already ongoing thoughts in his head.  
   “Jer, do you want to, um, hug maybe?” Michael says, squinting at Jeremy with eyes welled up with tears. Jeremy doesn’t trust his voice at this moment to give Michael a full reply, so he just nods his head softly. Michael leans in, attempting to let Jeremy meet him halfway, as a bet to himself. If Jeremy leans in halfway as well, it’s like a conformation that Jeremy is sincere in his apology. Michael doesn’t expect Jeremy to almost crash into Michael’s chest and neck.  
Jeremy’s arms reach around the middle of Michael’s back, his head leaning into the warmth of Michael’s hooded shoulder and neck. Michael sits there stunned for a moment before returning the hug with the same amount of vigor. He curls his arms around Jeremy’s shoulders, squeezing him tight. Jeremy returns this action, both not wanting to let go. They don’t want to let each other go again.  
   And for a moment, they both think about how they could stay just like this. Both feeling the same thing, not wanting to experience loss of heartbreak.  
Jeremy pulls away first. His sleeves are a bit pushed up from crashing into Michael, his hair is fluffed up and his eyes red and face blotchy. Michael brings his hand up to Jeremy’s face, wiping the wet tears away from the paler boy’s eyes. Jeremy warms up to his hand, raising his own to meet Michael’s in its place on the side of his cheek. Michael is brought back to the first time he thought Jeremy looked cute. He stares at his friend. Jeremy’s eyes are closed but he’s still stifling a sob. His friend is so emotionally open to him in this moment, and Michael wishes Jeremy had acted this way towards him more often. Maybe instead of beating around the bush, they could  have talked it out. Michael shakes these thoughts out of his head before they overwhelm him. Jeremy opens his eyes to look at Michael slowly, quick to be embarrassed about the situation they look themselves to be in. He doesn't attempt to pull away, though.  
   “Jer, can I ask you a question?” Michael asks, looking away from Jeremy, feeling a bit nervous about what he’s about to ask. Jeremy looks up at him and blinks a few tears away.  
“What is it, Mikey?” Jeremy uses the nickname he gave Michael in middle school. Michael tries not to catch his breath.

   “What happened, to uh.. You and Christine?” He asks, acknowledging the almost uncomfortable look Jeremy’s face is about to take on. He lets out a shaky sigh and holds Michael’s hand, that is still resting on Jeremy’s cheek, tighter in his grip.  
   “Christine is a hopeless romantic. A few weeks after she said she had liked me too and we had gone out to dinner, she said she realized she was just caught up in the emotion of it all. I can’t… I can’t blame her. I think, I think my crush on her had formed out of envy; of how open she could be and not feel any remorse to anyone about it, at least externally. A-And I can’t blame her. I can’t blame her for getting caught up in it. Everything about me is just…” Jeremy begins crying before he can finish the sentence. He collapses slowly in on himself, bringing his hands to his chest and his head down towards his knees. Between sobs, Michael makes out what Jeremy didn’t finish saying.

   Michael brings his hands to Jeremy’s hands and holds them in an attempt to try to ground Jeremy. He rubs his thumbs over the rough texture of the backs of Jeremy’s hands. Jeremy stops sobbing for a moment to only let tears out. Michael takes Jeremy by the cheek once more.

   “Jeremy, no, no. You’re not terrible…” Michael begins, shushing Jeremy and comforting him the best he can. Jeremy exhales rather harshly and attempts to chuckle.

   “You’re-You’re always the one comforting me.. I’m sorry Mikey… I’m so sorry…” Jeremy looks up at Michael. “I’m.. I’m sorry, there’s no excuse for the things that I’ve done to you and everyone. I di-didn’t mean to take it this far.” Jeremy says, calming from his hiccuping, trembling voice. Michael smiles sweetly at the other.

   “I know Jer. I know. Let’s… let’s start over, okay? Nothing needs to go back to the way things were before...the squip. We can start over. We both can learn from this.” Michael says.

   “Okay.” Jeremy finally confirms. He wipes the last of his tears into the inside of his own elbow. Jeremy raises his head to meet Michael’s gaze. It’s… comforting. Michael always comforted him in weird, Michael-like ways. It was unique to him…special.

   Jeremy, after calming down, immediately feels rather uncomfortably hot. He takes off his cardigan. He looks away from his arms, ignoring what had happened there. Michael gazes down to look at the scarring on his arms. None were incredibly new, but new enough for Michael to had never seen them before today. They both decide quietly in their heads that...that’s a conversation for a different day. Michael sniffs, and holds Jeremy’s hands.

   “So… stranger. Do you like Apocalypse of the Damned?” Michael asks, smirking and chuckling. Jeremy reciprocates the smile.

   “Yeah, I do.”


	2. Further Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lighthearted, short chapter. TW for descriptions of self harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so!! i just want to get this out there that this fic is kind of a personal vent? its like however im feeling i just spit out and write it yknow? so if theres a tone change then that's why haha  
> anyway thanks for supporting this! first time publicly posting any kind of writing of mine

    Jeremy and Michael had spent a good hour ignoring everything that had just been discussed between the two of them. There was still the overwhelming tension that made their skin crawl; yet being beside each other was comforting. They were sharing jokes and laughing; genuinely laughing. It was always good to hear Michael laugh, he deserved to feel good and not how he felt when Jeremy was actively ruining his life. That thought made Jeremy's stomach crawl.

   Michael, on the other hand, was trying not to ruin the light mood, especially after watching his best friend cry for a good thirty minutes. Michael's thoughts were struggling to keep subdued; the image of Jeremy's arms burned into the back of his head. He couldn't fathom the idea of Jeremy ever doing this to himself, for what, a few months? Jeremy's arms hadn't looked like that since middle school, even that wasn't as bad as... _This_. Michael has always had a protective streak with Jeremy, even though the latter boy was well six foot tall, Jeremy couldn't stand up for himself. Michael really didn't want to ruin the mood, but he needed to talk about this with Jeremy.

   "Hey Jere?" Michael asks, uncertain that his voice will hold up. There's shakiness in his words.

   "Yeah, Mikey?" Jeremy looks over at Michael. They're both on the floor, sitting in their respective bean bags. Jeremy has this nervous glean in his eyes as he looks over to his friend. Michael pauses the game. Jeremy's cardigan lays discarded on the bed.

   "I...I don't want to push you into talking about this, but... The thought scares me, I just..." Michael's voice is faltering. Michael isn't going to get his point across with words. He leans into Jeremy's personal space, reaching his hand to Jeremy's. Jeremy looks confused, offering his hand to Michael. Michael holds his hand, brushing over Jeremy's knuckles with his thumb. Michael turns Jeremy's palm upwards, fingertips brushing against the latter's wrist. Jeremy lets out an understanding sigh.

   "I was hoping you would ignore that..." Jeremy's voice comes across small, fragile. He smiles, his facial expression betraying how he's actually feeling. "Everything became too much. All the voices in my head telling me I'm... I'm all these awful things. I already feel that way, times twenty more voices? I-I broke. I guess." Jeremy answers, throat feeling tight. Jeremy looks down, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. "I... I used to in middle school, but it was never like this." Jeremy finishes. Michael looks defeated. 

   "It's..gone, right? The squip?" Michael asks, rubbing his thumb over Jeremy's knuckles in a comforting fashion. Jeremy sighs.

   "I don't think red mountain dew gets rid of it. It just...makes it short circuit. It has less control but I can still hear it." Jeremy huffs. Michael pulls Jeremy in for a hug. 

   "You promise you'll tell me if it comes back or you want to ever do...this again, right? I'll be here for you, Jere. Always." Michael says, looking downward. Jeremy feels the tears prickling up behind his eyes.

   "Yeah... I promise. I don't want to leave you for a fucking tic tac ever again, Mikey." Jeremy says wholeheartedly while also attempting to lighten the mood. It works, Michael laughs, bringing up his free hand to cover his mouth. Jeremy can feel himself blushing a bit. Michael looks back up to Jeremy, extending his pinky towards Jeremy. Jeremy smiles, connecting their pinkies together. Michael, in Michael fashion, brings their pinkies up to his face and kisses them. Jeremy stops functioning.

   "You seal it with a kiss, man. Don't make it gay." Michael says, dripping with sarcasm. Jeremy snorts.

   "Dude. You're gay. You automatically make it gay just by doing it." Jeremy says. Michael rolls his eyes. "I, however, only make things half gay. So no homo." Jeremy says, quickly bringing their hands over, kissing them. Michael also stops functioning.

   "Shut up, it's not half gay! You like girls more than dudes, so I'd say its about seventy five percent straight." Michael retorts. Neither of them make an attempt in disconnecting their hands.

   "I don't know where you're getting your facts from, but their wrong, bucko." Jeremy sticks out his tongue in child-like defiance. Michael reels.

   "What do you MEAN? You haven't even dated a dude! Or any dudes!" Michael points an accusing finger in Jeremy's direction. Jeremy feigns hurt, placing a hand over his chest in a dainty way.

   "I dated that dude in elementary school!" Jeremy yells. Michael laughs from his belly. Jeremy blushes, quick to be embarrassed.

   "That doesn't even fucking count dude and you know it!" Michael says. "That was elementary school! I ATE GLUE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!" Michael is in hysterics, reeling from laughing so hard. Jeremy is incredibly red in the face.

   "Well I've definitely had more crushes on guys than girls!" Jeremy's voice shifts up an octave. Michael is laughing, but quirks up his eyebrows in confusion.

   "That's such a lie. It's okay Jere-bear, you don't have to try to out-gay me." Michael wipes a tear from the corner of his eye. Jeremy huffs, backing down.

   "W-Whatever, man!" Jeremy decided to end the fake fighting here. Feelings might come spilling out if he continues. 

   "Okay, okay Jere. I believe you. I'll even promote you to chief gay executive." Michael pins an imaginary badge to Jeremy's shirt. Jeremy punches Michael's arm, causing Michael to breathe out an 'ouch'. They're both smiling.

   A phone begins to ring. The two look around, trying to locate which phone could be ringing. The source is coming from under the blankets of the bed. It's Jeremy's. Jeremy grabs his phone and stands. The two finally disconnect their intertwined hands. Michael misses the warm, grounding feeling. 

   "I-It's my dad. I have to get home. Can... can we hang out more? I really missed you, Mikey." Jeremy says, slightly blushing and looking at the floorboards. Michael smiles wide, however, Jeremy misses it. Michael makes his way over to Jeremy. 

   "Of course, Jere. I love having you around, you know that..." Michael says, realizing he went a bit too overboard on the gay subtext of what that sentence holds. They're just starting to feel okay again. Michael doesn't want to rush into anything. He doesn't want to scare off Jeremy. 

   Jeremy blushes a bit harder. Feeling courageous, he pulls Michael in for a hug. Michael reciprocates. Jeremy tucks his head into to crook of Michael's shoulder, hands around his waist.  _Smells like weed and vanilla._ Michael brings his hands around Jeremy's neck. They stay like that for a few more seconds. Michael is the first to pull away. Jeremy wanted to stay there a bit longer. 

   Jeremy breaks the silence first, "I love hanging with you too. I gotta go... See you at school?" Michael nods. Jeremy retreats towards the staircase. He waves goodbye to Michael. Michael stands there dumbly, waving back even a few seconds after Jeremy had left. A wave of realization hits Michael. Jeremy left his cardigan. He'll have to give it to him during school. 

   Michael walks over to his bed, flopping onto it. He turns towards Jeremy's cardigan. He leans into it, smelling it.  _Body spray._ He smiles.

   They'll be okay. He'll make it so. He'll try harder this time.

   

    

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! please comment any mistakes ive made!!! love u guys


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